Distractions are common in meditation: the obsessive thought that keeps coming back, the song you can't get out of your mind, something somebody did to you, thinking about when things will be normal again…
Many people say "I can’t meditate because there are so many distractions." First, we can remember that we always have choice: we can return to our meditation focus or we can make the distraction our focus. For example, if you’re meditating in the morning and the bird noises are distracting, you could make the bird noises the focus of your meditation. When I do this, I often find that my concentration is actually stronger.
There are also distractions during the day. Many people find it hard to stay focused: there are just so many things to do and so many things we can worry about.
Here are six ways of looking differently at distractions or obstacles during meditation or during the day.
Developing non-aversion toward distractions
Some teachers have defined loving-kindness as non-aversion or non-hostility. Often times, just remembering this can change a situation. Recall the story in a previous blog of the woman who was hating her aching muscles until she heard the prompt: to see if she could not hate the pain. All of a sudden the aches were just sensations, albeit unpleasant, but they were no longer interfering with the meditation.
I was at a meditation retreat in Myanmar (Burma) in 1981 when the county was celebrating the Buddha’s birthday. During the first day of the retreat, a loudspeaker not far from the Center began blasting disco music. My teachers told me that for most people this was a week-long party, and the music lasted all week. I was miserable for several days, trying all my strategies and techniques to shut out the noise or to “be with” the noise. Finally, my resistance cracked: I still heard the music but it no longer bothered me.
Impermanence
Another way of being with distractions is to realize that they are impermanent. I remember discovering that when I could bring a very curious and non-judgmental awareness to an itch, it was just sensations and was no longer a distraction.
Perspective
Changing our perspective is another strategy. Imagine pouring a half a cup of salt into a glass of water. Yuck. Now imagine pouring this glass of water into a tub of water; now just a slight taste of salt. Now imagine pouring this tub of water into a swimming pool; now no taste of salt.
An example from an earlier blog is when I was at a retreat and was irritated at the person in front of me who kept clearing her throat until I realized that she had a cold. With this change in perspective my irritation was replaced by compassion and her clearing her throat was no longer distracting.
Seeing distractions as a problem
“All my to do lists are getting in the way: I have to clean out the garage, clean the kitchen, call an electrician, etc. etc. etc.
I love the title of a recent book “what’s in the way is the way." One of my teachers said basically the same thing: everything is practice as opposed to “this is my life and this is keeping me from my life."
Helen Luke has a simple poem that speaks to this way of seeing life.
"We hurry through the so-called boring things
in order to attend to that which we deem
more important, interesting.
Perhaps the final freedom will be a recognition that
everything in every moment is 'essential'
and that nothing at all is 'important.'"
Seeing life as a whole
Our culture trains us to fragment, to separate, to categorize our life into hierarchies—from what is more important (sacred) to what is less import (mundane). However, that is not the only way to see life.
John Holt, who wrote many books about education, talked about making candles as gifts. However he bemoaned the fact that it took so much time to make the candles: ordering the material, all the preparation time, waiting for the candles to dry between each dipping. All this work to make a candle. Suddenly he realized that the entire process was “candle making” and he was able to connect to why he was making candles in the first place—his love for his friends.
This reminds me of a quote from Thomas Merton: “there is in all things a hidden wholeness.” Another of his quotes also relates to this discussion: “we have what we seek, it is there all the time, and if we give it time, it will make itself known to us.”
How do I hold the good and the bad?
This connects to the notion of “include it all” which was discussed in the April 14 blog.
How do I hold the beauty in the world and the ugliness,
the love and the hate,
all the acts of kindness during this pandemic and all the acts of hatred.
If we separate them, we have to build a wall to keep out the bad stuff, to protect ourselves. But the wall doesn’t protect us, it imprisons us; it disconnects us. When the heart is closed, we forget the caring that runs in the core of our lives.
Brene Brown said something similar in her Ted Talk: "we can’t selectively numb. So when we numb [those hard feelings] we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness.”
At the same time, this doesn’t mean having no filters. Discernment is an important quality to develop. For example, I have learned to limit most of my news about Covid 19 to the free NY Times summary that I get every morning in my email. Other people are making other choices that work for them.
Thus, each one of us needs to explore what helps us to stay whole, to remember kindness and love. I hope some of these will be useful to you.