“What a long strange trip it’s been”
My wife and I left for Arkansas to visit our granddaughter and her family on March 8. At that time, there were concerns, but life in the US was pretty ‘normal.’ Our plan was to go Florida afterwards and have a week at the beach. As the events of last week unfolded, we went from realizing that we might not be able to go to Florida, to realizing that it didn’t make sense to go, and then two days of trying, finally successfully, to cancel our trip and yesterday we flew back home. There were 8 people on our first flight and then 15 on the second one!
Between last Friday and pulling into our driveway in Keene, so many fears came up. The biggest was visions of either of us becoming sick in Florida and being confined to a hospital and quarantined for a month. In the past two days, so many fears arising: that one of us would get sick before our flight and not be able to leave Fayetteville, that I would have a fender bender in our rental car on the way to the airport and miss our flight, fear that our flight would be delayed and we’d be stuck in Chicago, fear when our flight from Chicago was delayed, and finally some fears on the drive home.
Being with afflictive emotions vs. suppressing and fighting against them
As is pretty obvious from the previous paragraph, 40 years of mindfulness practice does not mean that fear and anxiety do not arise like they used to when I was young and so very fearful and anxious. The practice means that I have tools to meet these “afflictive” emotions when they arise. Several years ago I created a handout that summarize the ‘best’ practices for meeting such emotions when they arise and you can access that handout here.
Most of us know of the story of Jesus’ 30 days in the desert and facing the temptations of the devil. Many of us know of the Buddha’s vow, the night before his enlightenment, to not move from his position until he became enlightened, and the many temptations thrown at him by “Mara.” Fewer know the story of Krishna’s enlightenment. The story goes that Krishna went into a dangerous forest from which no one had even made it back alive. During his time in the forest he vanquished all the ghosts and demons. When asked how he did this, he said that when he looked at those ghosts and demons without turning away, they simply dissolved. There is a similar story about the great Tibetan saint Milarepa. What they all have in common is being able to face our fear.
What’s so important is to realize that mindfulness does not mean suppressing or getting rid of fear, but learning how to be in relationship with fear and other afflictive emotions. It’s not about white knuckling, sucking it up, being strong all the time. It’s about realizing what is the most appropriate or skillful response in this moment to what I am aware of in my body, my heart, and my mind.
These are the various ways that I have been meeting fear and anxiety when it has arisen during these crazy times.
Mindfulness of breathing
Because of my fear, my breath was often quite “off.” So it was easy to simply bring mindfulness awareness to breathing—noticing the pit in my stomach, the tightness in my chest. Just noticing. Not trying to fix it, to make the breath calmer. Simply bringing kind awareness to my breath.
Mindfulness of the body
I did body scans several times during the 8 hours between arriving at the airport in Fayetteville to landing in Hartford. The plane was the most fun, because there was so much to pay attention to: the vibrations of the plane, the coldness of the floor, my breath, my back, my neck. During the body scans, I included awareness of sounds: the engines, the heating system, the noises in the cabin. I sometimes dozed off during the body scans!
Mindfulness of thoughts 1
Since fear is an old friend, I acknowledged and met (See the RAIN practice) that part of me that was catastrophizing being in a hospital in Florida, the part that was calculating that someone I love dearly is likely to die in this pandemic. As the fearful thoughts and images came in, often in waves, I had various ways to be with those thoughts.
Sometimes, I would imagine my thoughts as a movie and just watch the movie. It’s moving from starring in the movie to watching, witnessing the movie. When I can bring curiosity and kindness to the stream of thoughts, I find that the intensity of the images passes and, to use a phrase from my father, it subsides to a dull roar. During some witnessing times, I could laugh at myself or realize that these thoughts weren’t helpful and they would either subside or simply pass.
Mindfulness of thoughts 2
Sometimes I would talk to them. These are thoughts and quotes which I found helpful.
• There are millions of people struggling with fear and anxiety. I am not the only one. I am not alone.
• “This too shall pass.” There have been wars and pandemics like this before and people have survived.
• “The antidote to fear is not courage but connection” from Maria Sirois.
• Faith: I have the strength and resources to meet these challenges.
Loving-kindness
When realizing that parts of me were really panicking, I would bring the energy of loving-kindness toward them: “May this part of me have moments of happiness today, have moments of peace today, be free from suffering.” Or simply “I’m here with you.”
Compassion
Visualize people who are sick with the virus. Visualize people who are in nursing homes or assisted living facilities that are locked down, and visualize people whose loved ones are in nursing homes or assisted living facilities that are shut down. Think of people who are homeless during this time. And so on. “May you have moments of happiness today. May you have moments of peace today. May you have moments of freedom from suffering today.”
Distractions
Mindfulness is not being strong and equanimous all the time either. Sometimes, distractions help. Call someone, watch a movie or TV show, have some ice cream. After we got home and had dinner, I made some popcorn last night and savored it.
Other strategies
I was aware of how frequently my son, daughter-in-law, wife, and I were checking our cell phones during the day and reporting to the others the latest news. Now that I am at home, I am choosing to check the news in the morning and check again in the afternoon when our newspaper comes, and to do this only twice a day.
“Living Gratefully in the Time of Corona Virus”
Here are some excerpts from this article that came into my email from dailygood.org. You can get the whole article by clicking on the title of the article above or going to their website.
Reflect on Goodness
While there are many stories of hoarding, there are so many stories of generosity during this time. Notice the many ways you can orient your attention to notice all the ways that people are caring for fellow human beings around the globe.
Wash your Hands
When washing your hands, be grateful you have soap and clean water. Sing silly songs while washing your hands.
Stay Connected
This can be an opportunity to connect by phone, text or email with family, friends, and neighbors to see how they’re doing. How does it feel to reflect with gratitude on the relationships in our lives and let people know we care about them?
Be Generous
Try being more patient, kinder, take a deep breath before responding when you are irritated or frustrated. Give to organizations whose operations and fundraising efforts are needed. Consider making a donation in someone’s honor or buying a gift certificate.
See the Privileges of the Ordinary
Appreciate what is available to you: phones, electricity, showers, the beauty of the natural world, all the parts of your body that work, and so much more.
Commit to that which Sustains You
Practice rituals, traditions, reminders, and practices that help you to find calm in the midst of any storm. Read, write, or share poetry.
Adding your own strategies
Especially since we are moving toward being encouraged to stay at home, to shelter in place, please consider using the Comments box below to share with us all what you are doing and what resources, books, articles you are finding helpful.