Changing Commonly Used Language

The Buddha once said "What we think, we become."
A natural consequence of this is "What we say, we become."

I think most people realize that there is some truth in this statement. For example, many parents encourage their children not to limit themselves by saying "I can't." I also think of the story of The Little Engine That Could.

Neuroscience
From neuroscience research we read that every time a particular neural circuit (emotion, thought or action) happens in the brain, the more likely it is to occur again, for example, I can't vs I can. There is a connected term called neural cowpaths. Think of cow paths in the pasture which, once made, are where the cows walk. I recall Henry David Thoreau lamenting how quickly his feet made a path from his cabin to the pond. One writer encourages us not to pave our neural cow paths! This point is also implicit in the Buddha's articulation of the Five Aggregates.

Below are several examples of changes in thoughts or speech that we might consider reflecting on. Virtually all of these words and phrases have come to me through discussions with other people or I have read somewhere.

Should
Many years ago I began to eliminate the word should from my thinking and speaking vocabulary. If you pay close attention to your body, you can often feel a tightening when you say for example, "I should go to the gym today" or "I shouldn't be so judgmental." It's not that these are not wholesome thoughts; it's that should introduces a sense of forcing and striving. I've noticed a difference when I ask myself "do I want to go the gym today?" If I feel that my body would benefit from the exercise even though I don't want to go, I might stop and reflect on the benefits of going or consider what I need to change (in my mind or my schedule) so that I might go to the gym.

Expectations are related to shoulds because we often expect something to happen that we feel should happen or expect something not to happen that we feel shouldn't happen. While we are aware of some expectations, e.g., I expect that I will get a raise at work, there are many more expectations that we aren't generally conscious of, e.g., I expect that dinner will be ready when I get home, I expect my child to behave when company comes, etc. etc. Many family arguments happen when an unstated expectation is not met.

Words that have a transactional or a military tone
I no longer pay attention. I give or devote attention.
I no longer talk about how I spent the day, but rather how I honored the day or what choices I made that day.
I no longer take a walk. I go for a walk.
I no longer pay it forward. I plant it forward.
I no longer work on my relationship with my wife. I explore and reflect on and devote more attention to my relationship with my wife.
I no longer talk about fighting for change. I talk about committing myself toward various causes. I recall so many people saying they were fighting for peace back in the 60s!

A simple change of preposition
Over 40 years ago I was on a month-long retreat at a Catholic monastery. During my stay I made good friends with a priest. He could see that I was so dedicated to my teaching that I was a good candidate for burning out. He himself had burned out at one point and was now doing well. He offered me a prepositional change when thinking about my work with my students: I am responsible to them, not responsible for them. That simple change made a big difference. I continued to work very hard in my teaching, but being responsible to my students was a totally different ball game than being responsible for them.

From either-or to both-and
Another important change is not to get stuck in an either-or mentality. For example, many parts of my life including my meditation practice are hard and easy, complex and simple, heavy and light. Many of us tend to focus on hardness, complexity, and heaviness at the expense of also recognizing the ease, simplicity, and lightness.

I have realized that I can have several emotions flowing through me at once. In fact, I believe this to be true most of the time. Right now I am tired and I am hopeful and I feel a certain sense of lightness in my being.

There is a powerful story about an artist who had lost a leg at some point. He constructed a perfectly spherical sculpture out of stone, then shattered it with a sledgehammer, then put it back together. He titled the exhibit: Shattered But Still Whole.

Qualifying our statements
Another significant change in language is to qualify some of our statements. I find a huge difference between saying this is who I am vs. this is who I am now. Similarly, saying “I have a low tolerance for frustration” limits you. This pronouncement feels different than "At this point in my life, I have a low tolerance for frustration."

So these are some simple but not necessarily easy changes in our language that can have a big impact on how we are in the world. I suggest giving any of these that spark you a trial run and see if you find it makes a difference.

Two addenda from a new friend:

When comforting a person who is suffering from a serious medical or personal situation, moving from saying “I am here for you” to saying “I am here with you.”

Moving from saying “with gratitude” to “in gratitude.”

Chaos Theory and Seeing Life as a River

Note to readers: My fascination with chaos theory began almost 20 years ago and with quantum theory almost 50 years ago. I have found both these fields to resonate with and inform my Buddhist beliefs and practices. Neuroscience research, which the Dalai Lama both loves and supports, is also pointing out amazing connections to what the Buddha spoke about 2500 years ago. This is my first attempt to write about how chaos and quantum theories inform my mindfulness practice, so I am especially open to, even asking for feedback--what ideas made sense to you, what didn't make sense, corrections and edits, and what you would like to hear more about. You can write me at tombassarear@gmail.com. Thank you in advance for any feedback you offer.

Ashuelot River
For about a year I have been playing with a new metaphor for life: floating down a river that is has many whirlpools and vortices that bump into and interact with each other. In my meditative walks last year along the Ashuelot River near my house, I noticed many such whirlpools. One day I filmed a twig flowing upstream at the edge of the river; you can see the film below. As it moves upstream you can see whirlpools, constantly moving, constantly changing, sometimes bouncing off each other, sometimes a bigger one swallowing a smaller one.

Chaos theory (complex systems)
Since noticing the whirlpools, I have been reinvestigating the idea of chaos theory. Wikipedia states that "within the apparent randomness of chaotic complex systems, there are underlying patterns, interconnectedness, constant feedback loops, repetition...and self-organization."

[Note: words and phrases in italics particular connect to mindfulness practices.]

In their second book on systems theory, Seven Life Lessons of Chaos, John Briggs and F. David Peat also find the metaphor of a river being useful. "Each part of a river acts as a perturbing effect on all the other parts. In turn, the effects of these perturbations are constantly being fed back into each other. The result is turbulence, a chaotic motion in which different regions are moving at differing speeds...A river demonstrates all the characteristics of chaos. Its behavior is highly complex, including random, unpredictable flows, eddies, and stable vortices."

They assert that chaos theory is "about letting go, accepting limits, and celebrating magic and mystery...The predicament of all life is uncertainty and contingency...Ancient and indigenous cultures handled their uncertainty through dialogues of ritual with the gods and unseen forces of nature. Western industrial society has taken a different route. We dream of eliminating uncertainty by conquering and controlling nature. The ideal of 'being in control' is so much a part of our behavior that it has become an obsession, even an addiction...Chaos theory demonstrates why such a dream is an illusion...The metaphor of chaos theory shows that beyond and between our attempts to control and define reality lies the rich, perhaps even infinite realm of subtlety and ambiguity where real life is lived. Chaos theory suggests that instead of resisting life's uncertainties, we should embrace them."

Three basic principles of systems theory
While there are many basic principles, these three resonate with and inform my mindfulness practices.

1. The whole system is interconnected.
This implies that each part affects the other, in both simple and complex ways. This was a central principle in Thich Nhat Hanh's teachings. He coined the word 'interbeing' to emphasize how critical it is that we see how deeply we are connected not only to each other but to all life.

2. Simple and complex
Phenomena that appear to be extremely complex may have a simple origin, while surface similarities may conceal something very complex. Scientists have studied huge termite mounds in Africa to understand how they can maintain a constant inside temperature throughout the year. Similarly scientists have studied starling flocks which can "turn on a dime." In both cases, scientists found very simple rules which the animals follow in order for these amazingly complex phenomena to occur.

Applying this to my own life, my attention is generally not on how to change a situation I am grappling with, which often has so many contributing factors, but rather to pay attention to how I am responding to the situation. When I am stressed and I check with the body--it automatically relaxes; I don't need to try to relax. When I check with the heart-I remember qualities that are useful to focus on, e.g., generosity, gratitude, appreciation, kindness. When I check with the mind--it moves from a 'figuring out/problem solving mode' to focusing more on listening to what responses make the most sense in this moment.

3. All systems are self-organizing
This is defined as a process "in which the internal organization of a system...increases in complexity without being guided or managed by an outside source." We are also complex systems and the principles of systems theory also guide our behavior, just as they guide the behaviors of other complex systems like forests. Beginning with Isaac Newton's metaphor of "a clockwork universe," Western scientists have used machines as metaphors for human behavior, but chaos theory suggests a forest might be a better metaphor. More and more scientists studying forests suggest seeing an entire forest as a single organism and talk about the forest as a "wood-wide web."

I recall my delighted amazement in my high school chemistry class that the atom is over 99% empty space, that electrons spinning at phenomenal speeds create the illusion of solid matter, just like an airplane propellor is small compared the space it takes up. Taking this further, quantum physics is showing that it can be more useful to view ourselves as systems of energy rather that a mass of solid matter. Neuroscientists are showing us that at the microscopic level, thoughts and emotions are electrical currents and chemical reactions. Thus, it is more useful to view me as many interacting systems of energy. That is, my beliefs and biases, my personality, my various habits, legacy burdens and gifts from my parents are really systems in my brain/body that are constantly moving and changing, like whirlpools running into each other, sometimes bouncing off each other, sometimes merging...

Four concepts in systems theory that I find helpful.
1. Turbulence (in a river ) or messiness in a life
While turbulence is a natural part of any system, we have been conditioned to regard periods of turbulence as "something has gone wrong." Chaos theory and my meditation teachers suggest that there are lessons to be learned in periods of turbulence. I regard the dissolution of my first marriage, my time in the Peace Corps, and my recent aortic dissection as periods marked by extreme turbulence and also periods of important growth. Of course, almost every day has moments of small and big turbulence.

2. Bifurcation
Bifurcation is a fancy word for branching; think of the line from Robert Frost's poem: two [or more] roads diverged in a wood. Each bifurcation point requires a choice, and we make hundreds, sometimes thousands, of choices every day.

Chaos theory reminds us that systems are nonlinear which means that choices often have unintended consequences. Here is a nice example from a friend. If you throw a baseball, you have a sense of where it will land. If you make a small adjustment, you expect to see a small difference in where the baseball lands. In a complex system, you could make a small adjustment and the system could move in a totally different way, like the baseball landing a mile away.

During the early period of my dissection, when I felt the danger of dying much more than in the period before the dissection, there were times where I would oscillate between periods of fear and periods of love, often in the same day. From my old perspective, these periods of rapid oscillation were very unsettling: "what's wrong with me?" However, chaos theory suggests that these oscillations are not uncommon in complex systems.

3. Feedback: positive and negative
Feedback loops are a part of all life. A positive feedback loop is one in which one action makes another action more likely and back and forth. A negative feedback loop is one in which an action has a dampening effect on a situation. Both kinds of feedback loops can have positive or negative consequences.

Here is an example of a positive feedback loop with my wife. For several years I have been bringing coffee to her when she wakes up; I am a morning person and she is an night person. Recently when she was not feeling well for a few day, I began bringing breakfast in bed on a tray. When she felt better, she began doing things like cutting out the daily crossword in the newspaper for me or making a salad which I don't particularly like to do. In turn, I began doing things like vacuuming more often, which is hard for her to do. Before you knew it, we were looking for little ways to please each other. I laughed when I realized that we were in a positive feedback loop, each action reinforcing similar actions in the other.

4. Leverage
Leverage in a system is where you find a small behavior that can have a large effect. For example, as I my health improved from the dissection I decided that I had more energy to meditate and to focus more intentionally on being mindful throughout the day. I found that two small acts produced quite a large effect. I decided to carefully and slowly unfold my meditation shawl before meditating and then again after meditating, and I decided to say a simple grace which I learned from Thich Nhat Hanh before meals and before snacking.

Other people have found it quite helpful to have a meditation corner or meditation room and to have an altar which might have statues, pictures, candles, etc. Other people have found rituals helpful, for example, bowing before and after meditating, and my unfolding and folding the shawl...

Bringing this to a close.
I could and might write a long chapter about the implications of quantum theory, chaos theory, and neuroscience for mindfulness, but this post is long enough. My intention is to discuss these ideas more in the consequent blogs.

I will end with what feels more like a poem than a summary.

All life so mysteriously interconnected
I/we contain multitudes
Periods of order and turbulence
A forest, miraculous dance between order and chaos
Many roads diverge in a wood: proceed with caution and wonder
Down the rabbit hole: whee! oops!
Round and round she goes, where she stops nobody knows
Looking for leverage points in the system that is me