Especially given the speed of modern life and the many pulls (from ubiquitous technology to consumerism to concerns about terrorism and climate change), we need reminders to be compassionate, to be kind, to be grateful, to be here now. And we forget and remember, and forget and remember, and forget and remember...
Here are four (of many) practices that I use every day to help me remember.
Morning practice
I believe everyone can benefit by some type of daily practice, if not meditation. For example, a long walk (slowly if possible), Yoga, Tai Chi, Qigong, even running or swimming--if done mindfully as opposed to just exercise to keep the body limber and in shape.
Start the morning by bringing mindfulness to something you do every day. Practices can range from mindfulness while showering or brushing one’s teeth, while making and drinking your morning cup of tea or coffee, while eating breakfast, while walking slowly around the house, feeling your feet on the ground, etc.
Use metaphors
“Am I pouring gasoline or water on the fire?” is a useful metaphor that I received 40 years ago. The fire might be anger or irritation or shame or any other ‘afflictive emotion’ that sets you on fire.
While I still find the metaphor useful, I have modified it recently. The Buddha talked about ‘putting out the fire’ not by dousing it with water but by not adding more wood (fuel) to the fire. What enabled him to stop adding more fuel was to understand why he was adding fuel in the first place. Dousing the fire with water implies force (which meditation as well as yoga teachers recommend not doing). However, pausing when on fire can help us to realize that we really don’t want to add fuel to the fire.
There are more metaphors in the Resources section of my website.
Anchors and cues during the day
There are many practices, some of them playful, that we can do during the day to help us remember. More can be found in the Resources section of my website: 24 Strategies for mindfulness during the day
Find an anchor--for example, your breath, or sounds, or feeling your feet while walking--which you can remember during the day.
I generally remember to pay mindful attention to my breath 20 or so times a day. Each time I slow down (at least internally) and remember that I am a human being, not a human doing, I remember that everything I do can be done with loving-kindness and a generous heart.
Use regularly occurring events as reminders.
For example, every time the phone rings take a couple mindful breaths before you answer the phone.
Or every time you sit down at the computer, consciously relax your body for a few outbreaths.
Make your password a reminder that makes you smile. Two of my favorite passwords were Slowerer123 and Yogibooboo22.
When you get to work or school, take a few mindful breaths before getting out of the car as you are walking to your workplace; and/or do the same thing when getting home.
If you have a partner or housemate who practices mindfulness, develop cues or code words that you can playfully use, for example, Hummingbird or “Whoa Nellie.”
See the bigger picture
Last week, I mentioned the man on the subway on the way home from the hospital. When the other passengers knew his story, they saw the larger picture and felt compassion.
One time I was at a silent retreat and the person in front of my kept clearing her throat. I was initially irritated because it was hard to concentrate when the person was clearing their throat every 30 seconds or so. Then I realized she probably had a cold. Bam—no irritation dissolved and I felt compassion.
When I was teaching a mindfulness course to college students, a student talked about coming back to her apartment and the roommate once again hadn’t done the dishes. She fumed and thought “wait til she gets home!” Then, fortunately for both of them, she paused and breathed a few mindful breaths and suddenly a voice insider her head said “so how big a deal is today’s mess gonna be in a year?” She laughed and her irritation subsided. She still talked with her roommate later, but with less judgment and more kindness.
There are many other practices that can help us to remember, and it is both simple and complex. On the one hand, it is so simple to just pause and remember. The complexity is that we each have over 200,000 miles of “wiring” in our brain, and so each of us has our own history, preferences, strengths, and challenges. And we have to figure it out for ourselves—or at least that’s the story many of us tell ourselves. There’s another story!
If you have practices that help you to remember, please share them in the Comments. Thank you.
Requesting feedback
Having been a teacher for 45 years, I know how useful feedback in improving my teaching. So I am asking for feedback which you can give in the Comments below or email me at tombassarear@gmail.com. It doesn’t have to be long or elaborate.
Here are some possible kinds of feedback. Whatever you offer will be appreciated.
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Thank you!