This is the fifth night in a row of poor sleep due to a pretty strong head/nose/throat/chest cold, especially the coughing and sinus headache. So I wasn’t sure if I had the energy to write. Then I realized that one of the topics that I had outlined was Dealing with the Unwanted, and illnesses are surely one of the unwanteds in our lives.
Change in attitude
The first thing is to accept that it is happening. For example, we are not as miserable when we accept that today it is bitterly cold or that 12 inches of snow has fallen or, in the summer, that it is pouring rain or 99 degrees and 99 percent humidity. Someone summed up the wisdom of acceptance by saying that “what we resist persists.” One of my teachers said that to the extent that we want this moment to be different than what it is, to that extent we suffer.
That makes such a difference when I have the flu or a cold. I just don’t spend a lot of time or energy wishing it were different, wishing it were over, bummed that after five days, this cold shows no signs of lessening. A common phrase these days is “It is what it is.” Trite as that phrase has become, it still is so true and powerful when we accept and surrender (meaning I’m not going to fight it), that right now “it’s like this.” Note that surrender doesn’t mean passive: I’m still taking remedies, drinking lots of water, and so on.
The body
Bringing mindfulness to the body may seem counterintuitive, but it is generally what I do first: “So how bad is it?” On those nights and mornings when my head is aching, I bring mindful attention to the actual sensations of the headache, focusing on the actual sensations. Fairly quickly pain moves to unpleasant and then to sensations that are neither pleasant nor unpleasant. “It is what it is.”
Variations
It is important to note that there are variations here. I’m going to paraphrase the strategies used by one of my college students when he got his first big tattoo. He first began with open awareness: all the different sounds in the shop. That kept him interested for some time and off and on during the six hours.
When the actual pain started intruding and he realized he was holding his breath at times, he spend some time focusing on breathing. I did this a few years ago with surgery for a tooth implant. I noticed when I was holding my breath and when my shoulders were tightening, and I relaxed on the outbreath. When the pain got more intense, he tried to stop associating the pain with bad feelings and told himself that the pain wasn’t a bad thing: it was just what getting a tattoo felt like. Of course it hurt – getting a tattoo always hurts. Over the course of six hours, by allowing his mind to wander to and from the pain, he only needed one break. At one point he almost fell asleep.
Another strategy some have used when the pain is quite strong is to move away from the pain until you find a spot where it doesn’t hurt and you can be fully mindful of the sensations on that part of the body. Then you move slowly toward the pain. Sometimes you can then be mindful even at the center of the pain. Even if you can’t, you have realized that the mindfulness has helped the pain or discomfort to soften. Recalling the metaphor of making mountains out of molehills, the mindfulness has turned the giant mountain of pain into a molehill of pain or at least a smaller mountain of pain.
The heart
There are many aspects of heart intelligence. In this case, I generally focus on gratitude. I am grateful that at this moment, it’s just a cold and not pneumonia. I am grateful that I have medicines that can reduce the discomfort. I am grateful that if it does become worse, I can go to the doctor and be examined. Each morning I am grateful that I have a hot shower. When I let the pulse of the shower beat on my forehead and eye socket, the sinus pain decreases. When I turn around and let the pulse beat on my lower back, the achiness in my back decreases. I am grateful that I have a partner from whom I receive kindness and compassion and who is willing to go to the store to get whatever I need or want.
Smiling can also help. There is credible research (mentioned in the August 6 blog) about the effects of smiling. I know that when I smile and feel grateful for what I do have, this physical action of smiling and attitude of gratitude literally releases chemicals (called neurotransmitters) into my system which are calming.
Using thoughts skillfully
Kristin Neff has written so much about self-compassion (another future blog). She calls one of those strategies Common Humanity. In this case, when I think of (at least) tens of thousands of other people (just in the US) who have colds or the flu right now, something shifts. For some people what shifts is that they don’t feel as alone. For other people, what shifts is that they realize that many of these other people who have colds or the flu have it worse or have no support or access to medical care, and then gratitude enters the heart.
Another thought that is helpful is the realization of the impermanence of the cold: this too shall pass.
We can also apply other strategies mindfully.
Humor: “I laugh in the face of pain” is similar to lines The Lion King, and one of the Monte Python movies. Distraction: watching TV, reading, talking on the phone
Eating comfort food: ice cream, popcorn, etc.
Next week I’ll talk about other aspects of bringing mindfulness to the unwanted.