The holiday season is upon us once again. Between getting less sunlight and colder temperatures, other stressors include family, money, being sedentary, an increase in things to do that come with the holiday season, and comparing yourself or your family to others.
What stress is
Stress is when the little voice in your head says “this is too much.” It could be a huge event like a serious illness in your family or getting laid off from work or it could be one more thing, the proverbial straw that breaks the camel’s back.
Consequences of stress
In the short term, stress can result in decreased energy, increased irritability, difficulty relaxing or sleeping, stomach issues, and more aches and pains. Over time, chronic stress can contribute to or exacerbate serious health problems like heart disease, high blood pressure, gastrointestinal issues, as well as psychological issues like depression or anxiety.
What can mindfulness do?
First off, mindfulness is simply pausing to pay attention to what is happening and doing so with less judgment and more kindness. Mindfulness gives us a pause between stimulus and response. A mindful response to a stressful stimulus (a long line or someone being rude) might include taking a few slow breaths, pausing and relaxing those parts of your body that have stiffened, or reminding yourself that this will pass. Metaphorically, mindfulness is like a surge protector that protects the computer from frying or like a reset or restart button. Ahh, the pause that refreshes
At a deeper level
From one of my teachers: to the extent that we want this moment to be different than it is, to that extent we suffer. This applies powerfully to relatives! Consider a hypothetical: “my sister has always been blaming the world for her problems: our parents, her husband, her children, her boss, etc. And it drives me nuts.” First, think of the saying that insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
What classic Buddhist psychology suggests for trying something different is that it’s not what the other person does that causes my suffering, it is my response to what they are doing that causes my suffering. From this perspective, my primary effort is to focus on my response to my irritated mind.
It’s simpler with pets. Recently our elderly cat began to yowl loudly until her needs are met—food or being petted for awhile. This drove me nuts for awhile until a little voice reminded me that she’s blind, half deaf, has arthritis, and is temporarily confused. When I heard that voice, compassion replaced irritation. When it happens several times a day, I drop what I am doing, gently pick her up and carry her to the food dish or take her to the couch and pet her.
The difference with the pet is that I don’t expect her to change, I don’t judge her. But if your sister has been blaming the world for her troubles for the past 40 years, expecting her to change is insane. How you respond to her is your choice, but if the response is guided by compassion and without expectation that she will change, it’s a whole different reality.
Choice of responses: thoughts, words, actions
One skillful thought is called the antidote by the Dalai Lama. Either think of her good qualities or put yourself in her shoes.
Skillful words (from the October 7 blog): Is what I am considering saying true, will it be helpful, can I say it with true compassion? If the answer to any of these is no, and if the situation is one with long history, then don’t say it.
Skillful actions: if you feel irritated at someone you are living with, try an act of kindness: greeting them with a smile or a hug, “how was your day?,” doing a small favor, etc.
Simple practices that you can do every day
Slow down the morning routine even slightly: savor your shower, relax your muscles as you get dressed, savor that morning cup of coffee or tea, take a few quiet moments to look out the window
A practice that many have found useful is to try one of these for a week:
• smiling when you pass people on the street, see the cashier checking you out at the store, at random times; • noticing the beauty around you: the decorations downtown, the silhouettes of the trees, a young child, someone walking their dog;
• gratitude—for what you have.
Try the 5-3-1 practice:
Meditate 5 minutes per day. Check our website for resources including short guided meditations.
Write down 3 good things that happened today.
Do 1 act of kindness daily, whether it's holding the door for someone or complimenting someone, etc.
STOP
S: Stop. Whatever you’re doing, just pause momentarily.
T: Take a breath. Re-connect with your breath. The breath is an anchor to the present moment.
O: Observe. Notice what is happening. What is happening inside you, and outside of you? Where has your mind gone? What do you feel? What are you doing?
P: Proceed. Continue doing what you were doing. Or don’t: you might use the information gained during this check-in to change course.
Simple practices that you can do during the day
• Change your password to something funny: Yogibooboo22, Smile123,
• Take a few moments in your car when you get to work or return home to take a few breaths before you get out of the car.
• Place reminders on a bulletin board, in your pocket, over the kitchen counter, on a mirror. These could be pictures or phrases.
• Use one of the many free apps like Insight Timer or Calm.
May you have a wonderful, healthy, and more mindful holiday season!